For many, Christmas conjures up images of brightly decorated trees, crackling fires, snow, families gathering together to exchange presents and children having fun. The reality, however, can be quite different. So how can you have a Christmas that goes as smoothly as possible and that you can look back on with a smile? Here are Mindful Moments’ top tips:
1. Be realistic
What is achievable for you? Yes, you may have seen ‘Jenny’ on Instagram with her beautifully decorated house, immaculate children and plan for a 14 course meal complete with complementary wines but is that achievable for you? And, is it authentic to who you are? Sit down with whoever you will be spending Christmas with and think about what the festive period means to you…is it all about the food? In which case, knock yourself out and go all out on a fabulous feast. Is it about spending time together, in which case maybe make a movie list together, plan a walk, or decide on which board games you would like to play and put less emphasis on the food. I can honestly say my least stressful Christmas was when we decided as a family to have pigs in blankets with pasta, open presents and watch movies. I can literally feel myself relaxing as I type this out!
It’s also important to be realistic in terms of budget for presents, food and entertaining. Are you really going to enjoy the festive period if, at the back of your mind, you are worrying about how you are going to pay the credit card bill next month? ‘Presence, not presents’ may sound corny, but your presence and the memories this will bring, will mean so much more than a present that may well be appreciated by the recipient but may also be a source of stress for you if you stretch yourself on budget. Memories of people and places generally remain with us for so much longer. Stop for a minute and think about your childhood Christmases…..can you remember every single present you received or are you more likely to think about how you felt and how daft Aunty Nora looked wearing the party hat from the cracker?
2. Set Boundaries
If you know that something or someone is likely to trigger you over the festive period, set boundaries and – importantly – stick to them. This may mean inviting people over but being clear that you won’t be ready for visitors until, say, 2pm or that you will be expecting people to leave by 10pm. It may mean that you are clear that you do not want Christmas pudding or Brussels sprouts on the table!
Importantly, if you think you will need help from a friend/partner with food, the kids, anything, talk to them about it in advance and remind them if needed. Yes, it can be hard to ask for help but it is even harder if you wait to ask for that help until you’re about to explode with stress, so set expectations when everyone is calm (or at least calmer!) and remember everyone can make mistakes.
If you are worried about upsetting others, remind yourself that you cannot control what another person thinks or does or how they respond to something – this is a common theme I see with clients year round – it is out of your circle of control (see a future blog post for more information about this).
3. Set aside some time for yourself
There is the saying ‘put your own oxygen mask on first’ for a reason. We rarely perform at our best in any situation if we are stressed so make sure that you do something for you. This may mean asking someone to prep the vegetables whilst you sit in a quiet room and have a drink, flick through a book or spend a *small* amount of time scrolling social media (and yes, if you have small kids, this may be the bathroom with the door firmly locked!). It may mean going out for a walk before people arrive or getting people to leave by a certain time then getting some fresh air then. Getting to know yourself and what you find relaxing is key to being able to survive most stressful situations so get into the habit of making a mental note of what works for you so you can tap into it when needed.
4. BreatheAll of us have one of the best tools for managing stress and anxiety with us all the time and, even better, it is free.
The breath is an amazing tool for helping when we feel things are getting a bit too much but often we forget about it, taking it for granted because, well, we do it all the time and without thinking! If you take a moment now to think about your breath, what does it feel like when you are feeling calm? You will likely find it is slow and rhythmical. Now think about a time when you were excited….was it faster? And now when you were scared? Likely, this was also faster but maybe also shallower, at the top of your chest only. By bringing our attention to our breath, we can help ourselves feel calmer and more in control.
Try this one exercise:
– sit comfortably in a chair with your back and back of your legs supported
– place one – or both – hands on your belly
– close your eyes
– for a few breaths just notice your breath moving in and out. You don’t need to change it or count it, just notice it. Notice where you feel it most which could be your chest or your belly, or even your nose!
– Now for your next breaths, breathe in deep enough that you feel your belly rising and your hand(s) rising with it. This may mean slowing your breath down slightly but take it at your own pace. Breathe out and feel your belly fall.
– Repeat this for as many breaths as you feel comfortable
– When you feel ready to stop, bring yourself slowly back by noticing any noises in the room, feeling any air on your cheeks then wiggling your fingers and toes. Finally, slowly open your eyes and if your body feels like it needs a stretch then do whatever feels comfortable to you.
5. Be kind to yourselfSo many of us have an inner critic in our heads with the volume turned UP. So, learn to silence that critic, or at least turn the volume down. Embrace the moment you are in and remind yourself that, in most cases, if you are in a stressful situation it will pass. And remember to notice the good things and the things that make you smile. You may be surprised as to how many there are.
I wish you all a peaceful festive period and will be returning in the new year with some more blogs around mental health and mindfulness so if you have any requests for topics, please let me know. Oh, and if anyone has any top tips for helping our kitten realise that it is not his life goal to get to the top of the Christmas tree then please do get in touch!
